that's me.....
usually my logic is I fear the unknown so I avoid it whenever possible
this usually results in my siblings dragging me to do the unknown and then when It is known to me I can do it.... usually.... but it's the making it known to me that's the hard part......
I can always tell when I'm really nervous about something cuz i get nauseous...
it's actually only happened a couple times in my life so when It does happen It's a big deal right? (I know i'm pathetic)... and then there's this stabbing pain I get in my chest but that doesn't happen when I'm nervous that's for something else but anyways it was just the nauseous sick feeling this time(I'm sorry this is the way I do post's....it's annoying to me too).... so going to another world country definitely made me try to find any excuse to get out of it.......
things like....
I can't afford it
I can't be gone from my work for that long
I can't be gone from my Church family and the ministries I get to help out in
I can't miss three months of Clayte's baby life!
I have to avoid the unknown!
and the "I cant's" go on and on......
Are you noticing the trend of I's? me me me..... clearly my thinking needs an adjustment!
It helped that my family said you're going whether you like it or not! When you're asking God to give you a sign that you should go or not and your godly advisers are saying you are going whether you want to or not that seems like a pretty clear sign to me.....though sometimes I do wish think maybe I'll break a bone....come down with disease or something that will stop me from going.......
do I realize how silly I am?
Yes I realize... it's sooo embarrassing
especially when I think of missionaries and people who have given a lot up to go into the unknown.... I mean the REAL unknown.....the SCARY unknown.....And then i know I'm being incredibly stoopid....
I tend to look at everything very realistically and always look at the worst possible outcomes to every situation so I'll be prepared for them if they happen and that scares me into just avoiding it. But I'm not going to avoid it this time Lord willing......... Why do I think it's so scary? I don't even really know.....I'm just being dramatic I guess =o) oh yes I can think of lot's of things that could happen but they're to silly to put here......
arrgh the clever one just tried to scare me...he said they went to pick out plane seats and i was gona have to sit by myself for most of them while him and the clingee( I'm the clinger so that make her the clingee right?) get to sit together..... he knows things like that freak me out.....
Oh and for the record Tobi is the only one who hasn't put a toe out of the USofA.... Bekah and I have both been in another country though mine doesn't really count cuz it was just Canada but anyways it's nice to hold it over Tobi's head =o) He's composing a song by me as I type.... his talent is frightening.... You don't have a piano do you Rachel?
Anyways I really don't want this trip to be about us....I'm hoping we can SOMe HOw be a blessing to the Hammetts ....... I have a fear they could get very sick of having us around...haha... If we're driving you CRAZY tell us!!
Rachel please tell your mom I like doing dishes and stuff like that.....it's about the only thing I'm good for and it give's me a feeling of secureness like maybe I'm actually being helpful....I'm a very simple girl so simple tasks I can do.....usually....I want to be helpful so please give me something to do! =o)
I hope you're willing to answer lot's of dumb questions.... i'm known as the dumb question asker in this family(It's ok I can
accept that...hurt feelings are silly so I don't have them...hehe) so i hope you don't mind...... I noticed a fence around your house and gasped to myself and realized Africa can be dangerous huh? It doesn't really scare me I just point out the obvious a lot.....
It's not that I fear the unknown is going to hurt me....it's more of not being able to feel in control because I know what is coming....which is really weird considering I'm more of a very clingy follower than a controller....I know It's so silly and embarrassing.....
Cons and Pros
(these are not listed by order of importance at all!)
cons:
1. I will owe dad and mum money for a while......i don't really mind if they don't....and I feel so very thankful to them for helping me out...I didn't even have to ask them...It was kinda part of the whole your going whether you want to or not thing ;o)
2. I'll miss a lot of work but I'm actually glad about that and my Boss said she definitely want's me back so this is more of a pro.
3. I feel bad about being away from my Church fam for so long and dropping the things I get to help out in. I know I will hear some good teaching in Africa but I don't want to miss my pastor's preachin so hopefully i'll get to download the messages..... everyone really makes up a part of the body you know? So in a sense I think it will strange being away from my body for a while...It seems like so many things could happen here in that three months but I know it will go fast.
4. I know our Clayte's gona change so much in those three months and I'm gona miss him..... but since we're able to survive without seeing our other two adorable nephews very often i think we'll make it...this is a silly con I know especially for people who hardly EVER get to see their family relations. There's definitely something wrong about a family being strewn all over the place and not being around each other much after living with them most of your life! but that's the way of life and probably even God's will in most cases so maybe I shouldn't call it wrong.....haha I'm just bitter......or in denial .... ;o)
5. My Jordy brother is not going with us and I'm sad about that =o(
I might miss his abusive picking at me...and personally I think he might go a little crazy without us. Actually I really don't like being away from my family in general....yes I get homesick........but i know I'll be back to the looney ward sooner then I think.........
6. We could all die of malaria or any number of exotic disease couldn't we? haha me being dramatic again.....I don't really fear death thanks to my Saviour....
Pros
1)Plane ride.......love them! makes me think of this quote
There are only two emotions in a plane: boredom and terror. ~Orson Welles
I am afraid me electronics will run out of batteries and I'll be bored so if you know of things to do on a long plane trip tell me!! The thing I don't like about a plane trip is going through security! it's seems like TSA wants to take everything away from you. So if you people who have done this before have any tips on getting through security please tell me!
2)I have to confess when i see all the goodies Rachel makes it does make me want to be there...haha...I hope you'll make us some....please?? that's a silly pro i guess but it's true =o)
3) Just getting to see a foreign country is going to be neat i know.....I really have no idea what it's going to be like so I don't know if I'm going to be shocked or what but It's gona be interesting I know...
4) I've seen some pics of the animals over there and I'm so amazed at all the stripes, spots, horns, and just all the creatures I never new existed....this creation just amazes me! I very much hope we get to see some up close...
I don't really know how the weather is gona be over there but this is going to be my constant companion.....and lot's of batteries =o) I hear it is supposed to be like our Alaskan summers but I get miserable in our summers so I'm a little worried about the heat.... I do not like hot.... I like cold so I can burrow and snuggle under all my blankets =o)
I was hoping we'd get to see a good storm while we're over there but it's not really the rainy season is it?.....I really have no idea about these things so you'll have to explain it to me..... i was REALLY hoping we could see one cuz we never do up here....Ok so this is getting long...um this is how my posts are gona go....I'm not witty or clever with words so what you get is a jumbled mess of thoughts..... It's so embarrissing but we're all supposed to post so this is it I guess.....please bear with me...... it you can't bear it that's ok....
To you people who have made this trip before...if you have any tips on what to pack or anything like that please tell me! I need your wisdom =o)
~The timid Traveler~
~Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God~
P.S. Don't tell anybody but I'm actually REALLY excited....it's mixed with the nauseous feeling but it's still there =o)
